


DICKtatorship - They hot mangoes

by Justafewthingstosay, lulumonnie, space_ally



Category: DICKtatorship, Original Work
Genre: Carrot Related Crimes, Cyra is the flowergirl, Don't fucking ask us what happened, No beta - we have fall like Crowley, No beta- we die like men, Other, THey are reading Pounded by the Pound by Chuck Tingle titles while I write this, fucking confused, i'm so, this is going to be a mess, this is just, what happens
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-28
Updated: 2019-08-28
Packaged: 2020-09-28 17:54:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20430047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Justafewthingstosay/pseuds/Justafewthingstosay, https://archiveofourown.org/users/lulumonnie/pseuds/lulumonnie, https://archiveofourown.org/users/space_ally/pseuds/space_ally
Summary: The holy tricycle of ployamourous friendmarriage





	DICKtatorship - They hot mangoes

**Author's Note:**

> don't ask, just please don't

They hot mangoes

It was a lovely day outside, CAPTAIN SHAGWELL thought as she admired the sun, scratching her nose with her non-magic finger. 

She couldn’t scratch it with the magic finger, that was suicidal. So no, The captain was enjoying her day outside, while Loucky was inside, frying up some mango. 

CAPTAIN SHAGWELL went inside to steal some fried mango, waving her finger at spaghetti daddy, who snapped loudly. The mangoes were not amused and Loucky Penis was so startled that their hot mangoes were flying across the room and CAPTAIN SHAGWELL pulled out her magic finger and destroyed all the hot mangoes before they even touched the floor, she was just that cool. 

Also she didn’t want to clean it up, because even though she loved and respected the other two, they were shit flatmates and never cleaned up after themselves. But what can you expect a dick to do? 

“Stop dicking around,” spaghetti daddy snapped and snapped, with the capitalism-hating tone that he only ever used on a daily basis, looking at CAPTAIN SHAGWELL and Loucky Penis questioningly. “Limp noodle,” he called Loucky and disintegrated into raw pasta. 

“Well great, who the fuck is gonna clean this shit up, Loucky’s back is way too stiff,” CAPTAIN SHAGWELL complained. “

“That ain’t the only thing that’s stiff about me,” Loucky said, smirking. 

“The only thing stiffer about you, than yourself is the big stick that you have in your arse, laddie!” SHAGWELL complained, walking over to the raw pasta and scooping it up in a small dustpan. She put the raw pasta into a small wine bottle, that was empty of course but smelled of enough alcohol to bring spaghetti daddy back into life. 

“Nooo daddy, you were doing so well, you were on the way to recovery,” Loucky said. SHAGWELL smirked evilly and started caressing spaghetti daddy with her magic finger. spaghetti daddy felt a magical tingle. 

With a POOF spaghetti daddy transformed back into the lanky daddy, he is, smirking at Loucky and CAPTAIN SHAGWELL. “Thank the Mango overlord for your magic finger,” Loucky said, “I’m still not cleaning up this mess.” 

“Told you already lad, there is no such thing as cleaning up the mess of 20-year-old bastards online!” SHAGWELL muttered, pouring herself some chicken noodle soup into the coffee maker. 

Loucky groaned, seeing that SHAGWELL was using their chicken noodle soup, it wasn’t nice of her to use it for her devilish purposes. 

Loucky’s relationship with this particular chicken noodle soup was extremely close and they turned to spaghetti daddy to cry. Their tears were a very weird colour and seemed to taste of mango as well. The tears dropped to the floor and burnt a hole through the floor, and CAPTAIN SHAGWELL, Loucky Penis and spaghetti daddy fell into the abyss.

They stared down the clusterfuck that was their life, looking back at themselves in the mirror of determination when they suddenly realized they were filled with a deep thirst but also the desire to go on an epic quest for friendship, lust, queerness and mangoes. Loucky, the thirsty [enter genderneutral term for bitch] dried off their tears to avoid another abyss. 

“Well, we found ourself in quite the kerfuffle!” spaghetti daddy smirked, looking around into the never-ending darkness, only the bodies of his companions cutting the darkness. “My loves, let's find our purpose.” 

The company set out, Loucky Penis and spaghetti daddy wobbling on their non-existent legs while CAPTAIN SHAGWELL shagged her way into the darkness, dying screams of mangoes that were vanquished by her mighty magical finger. 

“IT IS I, CAPTAIN SHAGWELL AND I SHALL SHAG WELL UNTIL YOU ALL HAVE BEEN DEFEATED BY THIS HERE MIGHTY FINGER,” she shouted and the small mango babies ran away, crying for their mommies and Loucky’s sticky body saved the two others from the second abyss. 

A sad but remarkably horny carrot appeared out of nowhere and greeted them: “Hello travellers, ‘tis I, David Lentlordt not to be confused with David Landlord, Davina or Davy Jones. Though I don’t mind a bit of tentacle action. I’m here to tell you about your magic quest, listen up you little shits.”

“Deep in the valley, the shadow of death, there lies a secret deep between the trees.” The horny carrot disappeared, appearing on the small ball on Loucky’s side. “A secret, so dark that no one can ever tell it.” 

It was rather hard (eyyyy) for Loucky to have the horny carrot on their small ball. The horny carrot felt rather spikey on their sticky, tender but hard skin. 

“are you just gonna join us,” spaghetti daddy asked super lowkey because everything high key could be confused with capitalism and we wouldn’t want that would we, when sad, horny carrot David Lendtlordt fell down the small ball on Loucky’s side, nose-diving into the dirt in front of them. “AH I’VE BEEN SHOT,” the carrot called out, “It wasn’t me!”, Loucky replied.

SHAGWELL raised her finger, the carrot being pushed further into the ground before she walked into the other direction. “Let’s go, he’s useless” 

spaghetti daddy looked up into the abyss, wondering what the fuck he had done to deserve this cannibalism. He waggled a single spaghet at Loucky and CAPTAIN SHAGWELL in despair.

“We can’t just abandon him like that,” Loucky acted as the voice of reason. “Let’s eat him. Carrots are supposed to be good for your eyes”, CAPTAIN SHAGWELL offered and they all looked at each other before shrugging. “Walking is no fun”, spaghetti daddy complained and threw himself on the ground to wiggle onwards. 

“NOOOOOO!” The carrot screamed as Loucky slowly crunched their way through the tiny, still horny body. 

“Mhhhhh, scrumptious,” Loucky muttered, before throwing small mango pieces at spaghetti dad. 

spaghetti daddy gasped and screamed “LOUCKY YOU FUCKING CANNNIBAL”, rolling on the floor, trying to avoid the mango. Loucky shrugged again, still crunching on their carrot and scratching their balls because things sometimes itch and that’s okay. 

“Oi, pick up your fucking trash, you animal,” spaghetti daddy yelled at Loucky who just declared for a second time: “Mhhhhh, scrumptious.” 

“Can’t believe you fucking eat that crap. FUCKING DISGUSTANG” SHADWELL yelled into the abyss. David Lendtlordt screaming in Loucky’s wobbling stomach. 

David Lendtlordt wobbled around for a long while and Loucky appreciated that because that soothed their itch. CAPTAIN SHAGWELL scratched her face with the finger, thinking about fingering as always. It was CAPTAIN SHAGWELL. What do you expect? 

"There is still a mystery to solve," spaghetti daddy said, turning to the camera to add with a dramatic voice: "Who killed the sad horny carrot?" CAPTAIN SHAGWELL turned to the camera that appeared out of nowhere to capture their shame as well, only to pull a face and say "Dum Dum duuuuuuum."

"Also, what's the secret he wanted to tell us about?" CAPTAIN SHAGWELL turned to the camera as well, looking mysterious.

"That and so much more on the next episode of Dicktatorship" Loucky grinned out, even tho there were no episodes it anything, so the other two were terribly confused. 

  
  



End file.
